I’ve always wanted to be a Mom.
Even at a young age I wanted to be a Mom. I never fully understood what it meant to be a Mom as in the “job description” but I knew I had a wonder example of what a Mom should be. That was from my own Mother and I wanted to be just like her.
Jason and I got married at the young age of 21 and 20. We knew that we were going to have a family right away from how baby crazy we were. Our “plan” was to wait 3 to 4 years before we started a family but the Lord had other plans and decided that 10 months was good too.
We had our son Seth Everett a year later, and loved him instantly. He was worth everything we went through to have him. And then we left the hospital with him, that’s where motherhood started… We were to cater and love this tiny 6 pound boy with all of our hearts.
No one told us about how difficult it was to love this little person when he wouldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t nurse, when he had stomach problems frequently and we didn’t know why, when we wouldn’t sleep but you still had to be energetic when he was up. I knew it was easy to love him on his good days, but no one told me about the bad ones. No one told me that I would want to scream outside out of frustration, or that it was okay to feel like you want to give up. To be angry because you don’t sleep or feel like you’re getting enough of it. But I did know for a fact that I loved him despite the hardships. I loved him and he loved me.
At Seth’s 4 months I took a test. It came up positive. I’m pregnant. I laughed and cried, waited for my wonderful husband to come home to share the news. We rejoiced and couldn’t wait to meet him or her. A week later we mourned. We lost our child and we couldn’t do anything about it.
No one tells you how hard it is to loose something you love so much and you’ve never even met them. Only though Prayer and Jesus’ strength is how we got through that one. Having a 4 month old also helps to heal the pain. It still hurts.
2 months later I couldn’t believe it. We were pregnant again. This time it was hard to get excited. It was more scary this time because you don’t want to go through that loss again. But each month we went in there was a heart beat and a strong one. And then we found out it was a girl, our whole world was complete. She was a fighter from day one. But then it hit me.
How am I going to do this.
How are we going to do this?
We didn’t know what Jesus was doing in our lives, or why so soon we had another miracle on its way. But we did, we got excited, and treated every day as if we were expecting our first child. Belly pictures galore, kept all the ultrasounds in order, kick counts. You name it we recorded it with her big brother apart of everything.
26 weeks came, and bleeding started. We couldn’t go through this again, we weren’t ready to let go. So we went in to get checked found out I was in labor and she was healthy, moving and acting as if nothing was affecting her. We were in the hospital for a week, Seth got a week of partying with Nana and Papa. They got my contractions down and I was on lovely bed rest until 36 weeks when we met our little Emerson Jayce.
She had the cord wrapped around her neck 3 times, breeched, and was in respiratory distress. I didn’t even get to see her she was rushed to the NICU so fast. Jason got to go with her thankfully, and I was left to finish off my C-section with loving Dr’s and nurses. We couldn’t hold Emerson for 24 hours. Her body couldn’t handle it. But as soon as I got her in my arms I was in tears instantly. Jason didn’t want to let her go. But we had to. We had to go home with out a baby and leave her there to get the best care.
A week later she was cleared to come home. We sped down the freeway in order to just have her next to us.
Once we got home to our 13 month old and showed him his sister, he was loving at first and then realized she was staying. He wasn’t too stoked about that. He had a pretty bad tantrum and eventually got over it. The trick is to keep the oldest involved. He helps, change, feed, clean, and reads to her now. She’s his best friend and they keep each other busy.
We now have an almost 2 year old in December and a 5 month old. Yes, like every one says, we do have our hands full. But we wouldn’t change it for the world.
God has always made it an adventure for us and we don’t know why. But we are following Him and what He wants for us as a family. Trusting Him in all things. We might not understand why things are the way they are now, but when we look back we learn ” Oh, that is what he was trying to teach me” and then it all makes sense. My desire is to really be open, to share, to hold nothing back and to encourage others.
Hug your children today. Thank God for them. When you have a ton of stuff to do in the house, just stop, enjoy them. Cleaning can wait, they change and grow so fast, be apart of it. Cherish every moment.
I can’t wait to share all of my adventures with you.