You Are Not Your Illness.

Six or more months have gone by without me writing. It’s one of those things where family, ministry and self needed to come first. They did…and now I am back. With the absence from my blog, I have learned some things about myself that I never wanted to be in the light. I have mourned for things I thought I was over and I have fought a battle that I realized couldn’t be won with my own strength or my husbands, but The Lord’s.

It’s so frustrating when you realize that you have no control over “you”, that Jesus is going to do and teach you when He want’s to teach you that day; and that’s final. It’s frustrating when He’s always right. Right? Am I alone here? But that’s what I love about it all, that Jesus always puts me in places where I meet the people that I needed to meet. Maybe not at that time…but I will eventually realize He was showing me the right people to be around.

It all started 8 years ago. The joint pain, the fatigue, the grogginess. I was 17 almost 18 at the time. My parents and I were told it was growing pains… and if you know me, I was and always have been 5ft tall, ironic right? The next year we were told it was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, but was not told the specifics… just to treat it with Aleve and Tylenol and I’d be fine. Fast forward two years and my husband and I got married, had a family and here I am unable to get out of bed because I’m too exhausted from not sleeping and my bones feel like they are constantly grinding together. I feel like I’m 90 years old.

We went to countless Dr.’s being told I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, to Lupus to having both at the same time. I wasn’t on any medication up to these diagnoses’, I was in chronic pain for years before they THOUGHT this is what I had. I held a normal 20 year old life with a full time job, full time work while being a wife and pregnant. Don’t get me wrong there were days when I wanted to give up. I wasn’t going to let it win. I wanted to be normal.

After Jason and I had our last child, we decided to get some real answers. Some definite answers. Not a maybe’s and “we think’s” any more. There were months where we were at the Dr.’s office 4 or 5 times a week with both kids. I was tired of it. I was tired of lying on the couch watching my kids play. I was tired of giving up the gym because everything hurt. I was tired of being tired. And we needed help. I needed help. We went the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona. We had a diagnostic team look and determine my problems. And FINALLY, after 8 years, we were told what was wrong.. It wasn’t lupus, its wasn’t RA, it was Fibromyalgia.

Good thing about this is that it is not life threatening like Lupus, but there also aren’t magical pills to make it go away either. There isn’t a cure; there isn’t a pain med for Fibro. You just have it and that’s that.

There had to be more; there had to be something that I could do for myself to feel normal. I was tired of being a zombie that was in pain all the time. But what I learned is that it’s a lifestyle change. It’s about being “okay” and trusting the Lord with it. Maybe this was it. Maybe I was supposed to be like Paul the Apostle; he asked for healing for years and Jesus never healed him. That was His will. Maybe this WAS it. Little did I know, help was on its way!

Remember when I said Jesus has you meet people for a reason? It was that moment I knew this was a God thing. When we were living in California, we went to a church down in Riverside that we dearly loved. We met tons of new faces weekly and loved connecting with them. It was then that I met a Pastor’s wife and we talked a little here and there; when we moved back to Phoenix I never would have thought that she’d introduce me to something that would have changed my life for the better. Something that helped her find relief from Osteoarthritis in her spine that she no longer has anymore. Something that was all natural, and only has positive side affects.

One word: PLEXUS

I took all of her advise, I ordered, I took all of it for two months straight. Little by little I felt less and less pain. I felt more energized! My depression was slowly decreasing. My anxiety wasn’t spiked. The first month I had a WHOLE WEEK where I had ZERO pain. I thought it was a cruel joke. There was no way. It felt weird to dress myself, to be ale to run with my kids around the house. It was weird to feel free. Pain was supposed to be my normal. But now it’s very few and far between. I still have bad days don’t get me wrong. But it’s not my everyday anymore. I have ME back.

If you are reading this and struggle with an autoimmune disorder and have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I would LOVE to share more and help you on your journey to feeling better as well.

XOXO

I get to be the one.

Today I was very overwhelmed just thinking that my little “baby”, our last baby will be ONE. Today more than most days I found my-self saying to people, “Seth’s two and Emerson will be one next month…” But I think it finally sunk in.

Next month I will have two toddlers… I will have two walking, two talking and two wanting my attention every second of every day. And just like that, we don’t have babies anymore.

I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids more than words can explain.

Each day being pregnant with Emmy was a struggle. It was a new battle every morning and a fight to keep her “safe” in my womb. I say “safe” that way because the condition I had while pregnant with both of my kids definitely could have had them in heaven with the Lord any minute while in my tummy. She was born at 36 weeks and spent a week in the NICU…hardest week of our lives. (more on that on her birthday!)

 In hard days it’s definitely not the first thing I go to in being thankful…trust me… those days I want to run and hide and be back in 20 minutes because I missed them terribly. But today for some reason I was overwhelmed (in a good way) of how FAST my kids are growing up.

When I’m exhausted from being up all night with one or both my kids, or when I hear “all done mommy!” at 445 am, when hot coffee spills on me because my kids are trying to sit on my lap, or when I hear “read to me mommy” and then there’s a tantrum that lasts longer than I want, I am eternally thankful for each day that Jesus gives me to be their mother. I am forever thankful that my husband works his butt off so I have the privilege to stay home and not miss anything. (YES, I said privilege) and I’m thankful for when I am having a rough day, I want to pull my hair out, I want to run scream and cry all at the same time my kids see me when they wake up from a nap as if I am the BEST person in the world. I have zero fault in their eyes. To them I am a safe place.

And I can’t help but think of how Jesus uses parenting as a model of how He loves us. He is our safe place, He is our refuge, He finds zero fault in us. To Him we are the best thing that has ever walked this earth. It literally boggles my mind.

We are shaping humans, tiny baby humans to be adults…not when they turn 18 and we kick them out and say, “you’re and adult now” but right at this moment. When they are 2 and 1 years old we are raising them to be godly, honest, and loving adults. What we do now, how we raise them now molds their adult life…Crazy to think that right?

Today I encourage you moms that are having a rough day, week, month, or year take every moment with your children for granted, they are only this little once…

I’d like to thank JJ Heller for making me cry when this song came out son shuffle while cleaning and sparked this post lol.

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(as I got done writing this my 2 hour time slot of “me time” was definitely shortened by and hour and a half. Thanks Emmy)

worry: give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.

“Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you…” 1 Peter 5:7

I’m somewhat of a “worrier”. I worry a lot, even when I have zero reason to. In this chapter in life we are in a difficult one and it is SO easy to just worry about the un-knowns instead of trusting in God. It’s also easy to read scripture and say, “Okay, I get it I should trust You” and you do it for less than 4 hours and go back to worrying again. That’s me.

I hate to admit that, I wish I could say 365 days a year I completely trust God and have zero worry. But I don’t. Sometimes when I think of the stuff I had gotten so stressed out about I laugh because it was so dumb, and others are reasonable things to get stressed out about.

The thing I have to remind my self is that I have absolutely no control of what is going to happen. (I think that stresses me out more than anything) I wish I knew each step of, “If I do this, then this gets checked off and then I can move on to get towards that goal” But God is mysterious that way. He doesn’t do that for a reason. We wouldn’t have to trust Him. I’m still working on that trust thing. It’s a hard thing to do, especially when you feel helpless and can’t control a situation. The word’s “Do what You will.”  Are sometimes difficult to say, but you know what? He has NEVER failed me. Even in my doubts, my insecurities, my inability to keep my word, my lack of trust, sometimes my lack of faith…He has never failed me. So why do I worry? Because I’m an imperfect person, who needs a perfect God to show me each and every day that He has my back.

If you think of us, please be praying for our family.

No one is hurt, sick, upset, or in devastation. We just desperately need prayer.

“Do not fear, for I am with you;Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Love to you all, Alyssa

Christmas, New Year, Oh My.

It’s the New Year! I can’t believe it went by THAT fast.

It was first our son Seth’s 2nd birthday… I officially have a 2 year old. Before we left for Christmas vacation we had a small party for him. I’m still in shock I can have conversations with him. but look how cute he is: 

We had a wonderful Christmas with my husband’s family up in Pennsylvania. I forget each time we go how beautiful that state is. It was very busy being up that way filled with family and friends! But most of all my wonderful sister-in-law got engaged while we were there! And my best friend got engaged days before! Yay for weddings! It was a very, very exciting time for all of us. Now it’s planning time! It was also my husbands Birthday on New Years! I made a surprise dinner with my mother-in-law, got the kiddos down, and we longed for midnight to come so we could finally sleep haha.

With Christmas came colds and flus…that was the bummer. It started with my Father-in-law and a downward spiral after that…yes, that means my kids got it and my husband who “never gets sick” caught it as well. We were supposed to leave PA on December 28^th…we didn’t leave until January 2^nd because everyone was so sick. Everyone had fevers, and coughs, it was horrible. I was the only one who didn’t get sick surprisingly. And I have multiple auto-immune diseases I was for sure thinking I’d be the first one sick! But with a strict protocol of Oregano oil and cold/flu bomb I was not going to get sick. It’s amazing what Essential oils can do really.

The flight home was long…the same amount of time as it took to get there but it really felt like an eternity. Emerson spiked a fever and Seth could NOT get comfortable on the Red-eye flight home. We finally rolled up to our house about 3am. Thinking they’d fall asleep perfectly we were wrong.. we maybe all got about 2 hours of sleep and my loving husband had to work that day. It was definitely a long trip home, but it was SO worth it. We had SO much fun in PA, even though the last days everyone was extremely ill we loved being there. We all wished and hoped for a white Christmas but of course that happened the day after we left. Boo.

Everyone is feeling much better. With cold/flu bomb every hour to sipping on oregano oil we have all beat this terrible cold for good! Now we are back to regular life and just like that Christmas is over.

With the New Year was a chance for me to break out of my shell. My little introverted shell. I decided to do what I never thought I’d do because it puts me on the spot, but I became an affiliate with Spark Natural Essential oils. Whew. I said it. Not only is it a chance for me to share what I’m doing, but it gives me a chance to do what I love. And that’s helping people.

If you are interested in learning about oils, or need to stock up on your supply feel free to use this coupon code:”  alyssa “ and receive 10% off! Just click the link and happy shopping! I’ll post more about how I use essential oils daily on the next blog.

http://idevaffiliate.sparknaturals.com/idevaffiliate.php?id=5117

This year, I’m thankful for Pie

Thanksgiving was so different for us this year. For the first time in 3 years we didn’t have to drive 5 hours back home away from family! This year it was maybe 30 minutes. And instead of “see you next month” it was, “see you tomorrow.” We are so so beyond thankful for that!

So, with Thanksgiving there’s family, then turkey, and my favorite…PIE. Due to my dietary restrictions I can hardly eat pies found at the store. And if I do find one they cost so much money! So this year I decided to make my own. I Pintrest surfed for hours until I found two really great recipes and decided to combine them; one because I have way too much coconut four than I know what to do with, and two why not?

The pie crust I found from The Coconut Mama. It’s by far the easiest pie crust I’ve ever made.  As you will see it says 8-10 minutes in the oven. 10 minutes was perfect for me. 1^st time I made with coconut oil, 2^nd time I made it with grass fed butter and I think it tasted so much better(I made it in cupcake tins the second time! Mini personal pies! So cute!).

The apple filling and Dutch topping I found from Deliciously Organic. I used lactose free milk and butter again. For the topping I didn’t use anything besides almond flour and 6 TBS of butter.  I put it in the oven for 10 minutes to brown. When I filled the pie up with the filling and topping I placed in the oven for 5 minutes to just get warm again and ate that pie up like there was no tomorrow.

Have fun with this recipe! I know I had a blast making this with my mom on Turkey Day! I also vow to never buy a pie from the store again. It was seriously that good. Now go make one, or five.

http://thecoconutmama.com/2014/11/coconut-flour-pie-crust/

http://deliciouslyorganic.net/apple-pie-grain-free-paleo-gluten-free/

Jesus is Relevant

Everything has been great here at CCBC except the fact that we didn’t have a home church. We tried out a couple and just didn’t have that “home feeling” that we’ve gotten before. We thought we were happy with the church we were attending, but little did we know we would have our minds blown away by a simple visitation from a friend.

We had a friend come down from Phoenix and asked us to meet him at a church in Riverside. We had heard of the church a couple of times because the Pastor actually worked at the Church my husband worked at in Phoenix and was called to church plant out here! Crazy small world huh?  Now, Riverside is about a 45 minute drive from Murrieta so Jase and I both looked at each other like, “This is a one-time thing. We aren’t doing this every week” and as soon as we walked in we knew. This is it. This is our church!

We are now “those people” who drive 45 minutes once or more a week for church. Why? Because we enjoy it, we love it, and we can’t get enough of it.

It didn’t take long for us to get involved. It was fun to serve not a drag. I finally felt like I GET to serve. Not I HAVE to serve. Same with my husband; we absolutely love it. We want our kids to serve, to have a heart of serving. Not for what they get out of it, but what they can do for others. And the only way they will know that is if we lead by example.

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

The first time we visited Relevant Church we were asked out to lunch with Pastor Jonathan Bilima and our friends from Phoenix since they were staying at Jonathan’s house. I think we stayed at Chili’s for 2 ½ hours talking and then the kiddos started to feel a bit restless. That Wednesday, Jase was asked again to lunch with Jonathan, and we knew. We knew that Jonathan was going to ask him on as an intern or on staff as one of the Pastors since Jase is already ordained. But we prayed and let the Lord work. We didn’t know what was going to happen, but we had a gut feeling that was it.

As I stayed home with the kids pacing back and forth wondering what was happening, I felt this peace overwhelm me. I knew we were going to be okay, I knew all things were going to work out and I knew we were taking a huge step of faith in this. Step one was selling everything and living in a 300 sqft. room step two was ministry. But we didn’t know when or where. We just knew, okay, ministry. We will wait.

Jase came home and acted completely normal. NORMAL. I was expecting word vomit, overwhelming joy and such. But nothing. We just got ready for the gym and continued getting the kids ready. The normality lasted about 10 cruel long minutes and when I looked over, he had this grin from ear to ear and finally said, “They asked me to join their Pastoral staff”. This makes my husband incredibly happy. It makes me incredibly happy.

We were just praying about why we moved to California. Why we weren’t doing ministry. Why we couldn’t find a home church. And BAM all at once it happened. And we knew the Lord was blessing it.

 With that; the first week was horrible. The kids had the flu, which meant mom and dad had the flu, which meant we couldn’t take care of the babies because we felt like death. Thank God for my parents. They took them for 3 days so we could sleep, but by day 2 we missed them like crazy. After that we felt like it was going downhill and we weren’t going to make it to Sunday. But we did. We went, we served all three services, and the kids loved it. All that means is that we did something right.

(who wouldn’t miss these faces?!)

We lived we made it to a new week. Everyone has a cold now. But that’s nothing! It’s unfortunately that season. The Lord is faithful. I just think it is amazing when you see the Lord at work. When he answers all of your prayers in exact order that you asked “why” and said, “no” when He knows it’s not the right timing. I’m still in awe and in wonder of how fast everything happened. But we know we are doing what we need to be doing.

If you’re ever in Riverside and need an amazing Church to visit we have 3 services.

830, 945 and 1100am. We meet at the Riverside Plaza in the Regal Theater. Hope to see you there!

When things get rough, and it looks like you aren’t going to make it. Look up, pray and continue doing what the Lord has you to do.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” Matt. 28:19

Rooted

Pastors Wives Retreat (10/6/2014)

I was able to attend my first Pastors Wives retreat here. I was continually making excuses on whether or not I should go. That “I didn’t have anyone to watch the kids” when my parents offered many times to keep them for the weekend, or I didn’t have the “time”; I pretty much made up every excuse in the book to not go. Then, my loving husband said I had to. He does that a lot, because I tend to talk myself out of many events.

I’m super introverted when it comes to things like this. Going to a conference where there were 900 women and I didn’t know anyone freaked me out. Being by myself scares me, knowing that I was probably going to be the youngest one there intimidated me, and being the only PW with tattoos and a nose piercing not entirely concealable made me feel a tab insecure.

There I went, packed the kids in the van (yes I have a minivan and love it), dropped them off at Papa and Nana’s house came back and started my weekend off. I probably had 4 mini anxiety attacks before the first segment. But I did it.  And met 3 wonderful women there who would probably be my BFFs even more so if we still lived in Phoenix.

The Theme was “Rooted”. If you know me, I’m obsessed with trees. I actually have one tattooed on my arm. I don’t know why I am, but I’ve always been fascinated with them. Trees are just beautiful and produce two things: beauty and bounty. It’s a constant reminder of seasons and change, that’s exactly where our family is now, in a season of change.

To be Rooted in the Word, why? {Colossians 2:7}

• For stability
• For truth
• For its standard (2 Cor. 2:20)
• For its perspective
• When I am rooted, the Lord will bring Victory
• Because the Word is a book of promises and there isn’t one that I can’t claim.
• I can choose to live as a victim, in shame and defeat. Or I can CHOOSE to live in the Lord’s promised. I can choose to stand, to with-stand.
• He who knows the why of His existence will remember the how.
• Sin sets us apart from God’s purpose…holiness sets us apart for God’s purpose.
• To be reminded of who HE is and to remember who I am. I am a new creation in Him.

That is just a tiny, tiny part of what I had learned in that weekend. I seriously could go on and on about how wonderful the conference was and how much I needed to be refreshed that weekend. So I will spare you 4,000 more words of note taking and my thoughts 🙂

In the end I realized, as Acts 2:1-4 states…” be filled with the Holy Spirit” I can’t be the wife or mother that I need to be without the Holy Spirit. I need sanctification. And Jesus is the only one that can do that.

If I’m not Rooted in the Word, and being an example of Jesus to my husband and children I have failed. Not failed as in I do not do amazingly fun projects with the kids every day, or failed as in I did not have my home looking “Pintrest worthy” but failed as in I did not do the job that God created me to do, raising my children to KNOW God, to SERVE Him, and to LOVE Him. Not only am I rooting myself in the Word; I am forming an example for little minds and little hearts to follow after and thereby be rooted as well.

Part 2- two months later

Moving: Part 2 (09/18/2014)

Week 2 of being here at the Bible College has officially come. It’s been a crazy two weeks of chaos but we made it.

Jase has already been asked to mentor 2 guys!

As much as we thought we would be hitting the ground running with ministry it hasn’t happened yet. Our home group hasn’t started due to Jase’s work schedule being everywhere with hours so until further notice that will be put on pause.

Everyone is finally healthy from being sick with a stomach bug. Seth has a minor cold, but nothing too serious. Emerson is now 7 months old! I can’t believe it! She’s finally taking an interest in eating solids. And baby led weaning is in full effect. It’s so exciting!

The past couple days have been trying for me personally. I’ve been reflecting a lot of the “I miss” parts of before the move. The Lord is really teaching me patients and humility…I’m not doing too well at times, but I think I get it after many failed attempts. Here are some examples:

1. My kitchen- [that speaks for itself] Many of you know that I have been paleo for a couple months and now living at CCBC I am unable to keep up with the diet. I threw a hissy fit, wined and probably stomped my feet in anger BUT because The Lord is always gracious, they have a GF menu here that I can enjoy for every single meal. AND IT’S AMAZING!
2. My washer and dryer. Remember that time when I could just wash whatever I wanted, whenever? That ship has sailed. We tried for two days to do a load of laundry. (And mostly it was just washing the kid’s diapers. The clothes could wait the cloth diapers; they are on a different schedule.) That really got to me… I was so ticked that I couldn’t do laundry on MY time like before… and then I read my devo and felt the guilt hit me hard in the pit of my stomach.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

Ephesians. 4:1-6

 But if you have 2 kids in the stroller, wheeled them up a hill with a huge bag of laundry every 20 minutes to see if it’s ready to be used I think you’d be ticked to! The Lord was again faithful to me in my stubbornness and I was able to get it done after I had calmed myself down.

3. Having more than one room: It’s easier to put the kids down and walk away,and close the door. Instead of doing that, I listen to screaming until one of them falls asleep. The Lord has also shown me grace in this because of what we thought was IMPOSSIBLE. Our son has been able to fall asleep without a care in the world. Whether I’m sitting right next to him or if I’m sitting outside. My daughters a different story…she’s still a baby.
4. Being able to escape: with an almost 2 year old…you moms know. It’s nice to have a different place where you just zone out and leave the kids in their rooms for a little quiet time. I don’t have that. The Lord’s teaching me patience again with that. And how to deal with anger when I have a trying day with my kids. I draw closer to Him in that moment, dive into the Word on my porch, and completely focus on Him.

I then realized these things are just “stuff” these things are replaceable. It’s fixable with the right attitude. It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong… but we are all just learning how to cope with a small room to ourselves. The Lord is faithful in provision, He is faithful in teaching my family, and He comforts me when I have NO idea what I am doing as a parent. What is key? The Lord is ALWAYS going to be faithful.

– Alyssa

Moving day: Part 1

We have been in California a little over a week now. And life has been absolutely insane. We packed up our entire house in 48 hours, drove 1 truck and 2 cars from Phoenix to Murrieta, California. A drive that normally takes us 4-5 hours took us longer than 6 with a moving truck…oh and having two babies to stop for as well.

 

We left Phoenix close to 11am and with all the stops we wound up on the Bible College campus around 8pm. All of us were exhausted, unpacked the essentials (aka bed and cribs), knocked out for the night and hit the ground running early the next morning. My Mother-in-Law and I had the fun job of getting things to decorate, while the men were home D.I.Y-ing our 300 sqft room.

Yes, I said 300 sqft. room. All 4 of us in ONE room.

This is the before picture…Once my kids are up… there will be an after one. 

With that, my husband and Father-in-law made probably the best canopy/wall partition ever. Who needs Pintrest when I have them?! It’s seriously the easiest thing to make, under $100 and looks super cute without ruining your walls. (Tutorial to come later)

The week started to look good; until I was out shopping with my MIL and I received a text message from my husband…our son had gotten sick everywhere. We quickly rushed home, and sure enough… a stomach bug. First I gave him coconut water for electrolytes, and then rubbed digestZen, ONguard and Lavender essential oils all over his stomach, feet and head. His symptoms started to decrease until that night…that night I was the one getting sick. And that morning? My husband… the only 3 people who did not get sick was my in-laws and our 6 month old daughter. Thank God. As soon as I got home to take over for Seth I started rubbing cold/flu bomb 2 times a day on Emerson’s chest, back and feet and I believe it’s what saved her from getting sick… Jase had to start work Tuesday morning and we were praying he was going to feel better by then. And finally the bug passed and our home is now completely germ free. That was the first couple days of being here on campus. you can’t tell in this picture. but they were both really sick that day 😦 

We are finally getting adjusted to life here. It’s definitely different being here with a family than it was when Jase and I were here as students. Meals are at certain times, mail can only be checked certain days, and there are new faces everywhere. The kids love being outside compared to Phoenix. Seth’s definitely getting all of his energy out daily but it has been a huge transition for all of us. There is no more eating whenever we feel like having dinner haha! But we are all getting though it! There is so much to be a part of here on campus we can’t wait to start getting involved!

We miss our Phoenix friends, but we are loving life out here in California. Having my parents 30 minutes away is a major plus. I’m still getting used to being able to see them whenever we want!

More to come! 

Always, Alyssa

DoTerra oils: https://store.do-essential-oils.com/?gclid=CO-pj_S70sACFQ-DfgodmY4AV  

Cold/flu bomb recipe: http://chicagoessentials.com/post/64137903601/cold-and-flu-bombs